Larry King, Don't be a jerk to Tyra Banks

AN OPEN LETTER TO LARRY KING:

Tonight at the gym I caught a moment of the interview in which Larry King gave Tyra Banks the chance to strike back at the people who’d been calling her fat. I didn’t know anyone said she was fat. Is she? I could care less.

All I caught was Larry asking Tyra why she ever wanted to be a model, because posing for pictures all day sounds “booooring” to him. His word. He really said it like that.

Larry. Larry, Larry, Larry. Don’t be an asshole.

Tyra got her first modelling job when she was 17 years old. Have you ever met a 17 year-old? Modeling does not sound boring to a 17 year old girl.

Do I really need to run through the perks with your Larry? Besides the money and potential fame, let’s throw in a couple other relevant details: adoration of ones peers, world travel, fancy hotels and restaurants, circulating with an older and more sophisticated crowds.

And not to stereotype here, big L.K., but I’m beginning to understand why you’ve gone through so damn many wives. Do you have any comprehension of women at all? Maybe you hadn’t heard, but a lot of girls sort of like fancy clothes and getting their faces done up. it’s just a rumor, and I havent’ confirmed it, but women (not all, but some, a sizeable plurality if nothing else) have been known to enjoy being treated as if they are beautiful.

Visit a mall sometime. You’ll find a handful of girls browsing through clothing racks with more than passing interest. Granted, Larry, as you and I know MOST of them will be doing suddoku puzzles and re-reading Moby Dick for the symbolistic parts — but there’s this handful of girls who do take their looks seriously.

And, by the way, Larry, if 17 year old Tyra were to have passed up an opportunity to travel internationally, wear extravagant clothing, go to amazing parties and generally circulate with a world completely and totally out of the reach of every other 17 year-old she’d ever met — what other course do you think she would have pursued that would have opened similar doors for her at 17?

Let me tell you something, Mr. King. I went to a really, really good school Internationally recognized. I’ve known a lot of smart people. Way smart. I’ve known people who’ve done some awesome stuff. I’m fairly confident, though, that the best party I have ever, ever been to was not half as memorable as some Tyra’s most lame ones. I’m just saying — it’s not exactly a small opportunity, becoming a model.

Yes, Larry — you have a very cool job. You get to be both famous and smart at one and the same time. Pretty bad ass. You’re a happy man. You get to hold forth every night and you never have to worry if anyone thinks you’re a simpleton, but — maybe you hadn’t heard — no one is offering 17 year-old girls primetime interview shows on CNN.

No, really. I’m SERIOUS!

In fact, no one is offering 17 year-old girls any interview shows at any time on any television station in the country. Except maybe Nickelodeon. Though I can’t think of any. I don’t watch a lot of TV.

See, Larry, I know it wasn’t intended that way, but some people might have found the question a little condescending, demeaning and naive. All at the same time. How can you be both condescending and naive at the same time Larry?

Well, you did it!

I guess that’s what makes you a great interviewer!

Anyway, just so long as we’re clear, I’ve met a few minor models in my day, and nothing about the life sounds boring. Dangerous and hard, sure. A trifle over-the-top, definitely. And the industry probably really does screw with our collective consciousness a little more than it probably should, but telling a young woman that she should have bypassed the opportunity of a lifetime because looking pretty looks boring to you (Mr. Millionaire TV Man) is a prick thing to say.

It’s like the jerk who tells homeless people to get a job. As if it were easy for everyone to get where you’ve gotten. As if we all get a million great doors to walk through like that one.

Tyra banks was a model. A famous one. Very famous. As her modelling career faded with her age, she managed to transfer her fame into other fields of endeavor and use her brain more than her boobs. Good for her. She’s had the best of the world.

And maybe, just maybe, if she had passed on the modelling opportunity she would have eventually risen just as high — but I doubt it. We only get so many chances in this life and Tyra took hers and she’s used it pretty damn well. So step off, L.K. Don’t demean someone for grabbing a star just because it doesn’t look like much of a star to you.

‘Cuz I got one last revelation for you, Larry: no chance in hell anyone was ever going to ask you to walk a runway in Milan — not on the best day of your entire life.