Out for a Spin

My name is Marcus, and I want to go canoeing.

I’m walking up and down the street looking for someone to go canoeing with me. I have a canoe. I stole it. I was driving cross country and I saw a canoe in someone’s front yard and I pulled over and I threw it in the back of my truck. I’m a pretty strong guy. No problem.

I didn’t know, at the time, why I threw it in the back of my truck. Felt like I’d want a canoe.

I won the lottery. Can you believe that? I did. I didn’t win all that much. Not like one of those big winners. I won like $10,000, but I thought… well, people who win the lottery quit their jobs. So I’m going to quit my job and just head out and have a good time. Or, that’s what I did. I did win the money and I just got up and left.

I don’t mind work, you know, as long as I gotta do it and I won’t mind going back when the cash runs out.

Anyway, so I’m in this city. I don’t know what the hell it’s called. I’m not even paying attention. There’s this big river running through it and I’ve got the canoe out at this park and I bought a couple paddles at a Wal-Mart a couple towns back. Now all’s I gotta do is find someone to come along. I figure we take this river to the next town down or so, hop on a bus back - leave the canoe. What’s the big deal? I already bought like six subway sandwiches to eat. They ain’t all just for me.

So I went up to this big old guy. I bet he’s retired, but one of those guys that used to play sports and stayed tough and I ask him how he’d like to go for a little canoe trip. I say, “Hey, I got this canoe over here and I want to take it for a spin.”

“A spin?” he says to me.

“You know, a float or whatever you call it. It’s right over there.” And I point to it so he can see I ain’t seeing things or nothing.

He looks at it and says, “So whaddayatellin’ me for?” Because I guess that’s how some folks will talk to you in these cities but I don’t care. I’ve heard all sorts, you know? Drank most of them under the table when it came to that.

“I want someone to go canoeing with me. Why not? You know? I got no place to go. You got some place to go?”

This guy - big guy. Beard. Bet his wife looks like a Brown Bear, you know? Bet she makes pies on pizza pans, you know? This guy looks at me with his rough old face and his great big XXL collared shirt all breathing up and down at me. Looks a while as if he thinks maybe I’m a dog and we’re having a staring contest. Most times I don’t care when people take their time talking but most times I don’t much want to talk anyway, but I can tell he’s trying to decide something.

He says to me, “Man, you wanna find yourself a date, why don’t you go somewhere people’re drinking at?”

I look at him like he’s talking crap but then I decide it don’t matter. Fat ass probably wouldn’t even paddle and I’d have to push him all the way to the Atlantic or some shit.

Don’t know why he’s gotta make fun of me, though.

I still want to go canoeing. Maybe if I bought some beers? Guess I could head out and float on my own, same way I left town.