Male Bonding

Male bonding

I think I could make friends with my worst enemy of all time (this kid named Joe H. from grade school) if we met by a pressing bench and he asked me to give him a spot. I always feel bonded to guys when I spot them on the bench press.

I started lifting weights when I was in the 8th grade, at Pack’s Gym, but it wasn’t until Matt P. spotted me one time at the YMCA back home in Pittsburg, Kansas, a few years later, that I really learned the beauty of the spot. Matt talked to me the whole time. Egging me on in that rough coach way. When I thought I’d finished he said something to the effect of, “C’mon, gimme another one. You got it.”

Now, if you haven’t met Matt, this guy is like a tank. Always has been. He is easily one of the single biggest men I have ever known. I think he was able to squat something like 600 pounds when he was playing high school football. Matt’s a nice guy, but when he tells you to do another rep, you do another rep.

So I did! And it was awesome! Really tough, but awesome! In fact, I think he might have made me do two or even three more.

When I go to a gym now and ask some big dude to spot me, there are two kinds of spotters I like, though you can only figure out what kind they are if you fail a rep. There’s the kind that get real anxious and as soon as you start to falter and help you out. Too soon.

There’s a wide range of “help” people can provide. If you lift weights, you know that sometimes just having someone’s hands between you and the bar is enough to move the bar up. I have seriously “helped” more than one weightlifter out of a failed rep without ever actually touching the bar. It’s magical when it happens. You’re hands are just under the bar. You don’t touch it. You just follow it up, but where once the lifter was stopped, he starts moving again.

You can also help someone just by putting a couple fingers on the bar and barely, barely touching it. That doesn’t seem to corrup the rep too much.

Then, some guys are so scared of the bench that as soon as you start to slow up they grab that bar and whip it back to the catches above. Look, there’s a reason why even the smallest girl can usually spot the biggest guy. It’s pretty rare that anyone needs a lot of help with a bench rep. Normally, when you fail, you’re right there at the edge of your ability to press the weight, so the tiniest, tiniest nudge will get you out of the jam.

Long ago, I learned to stop fearing the bench, and it started with that set Matt spotted. It’s badass when I get spotted by a guy and I fail and he lets me suffer a while. He puts his hands under the bar and says, “Nothing. Nothing. You can do this. It’s all you. It’s all you.” Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t, but I always appreciate it when they let me work to my absolute maximum on my last rep.

In fact, the coolest spotters are the ones who will let you do one more, even after you’ve failed already, they’ve already helped you once but you drop the weight back down and do it again. Just to get a little more work in. It takes an experienced lifter to feel comfortable with that, but when I meet a guy who knows that sort of lifting, he’s my kind of dude.

Tonight I spotted a guy on a couple sets at my new gym, and it made me feel like it was starting to be my place, too. It’s funny, I’m always in such a hurry at the gym, but when someone asks me to spot him, I’m always glad to do it. It’s the commonweal, man. I’ve asked a hundred guys to take a minute and spot me so a hundred more get to ask me the same.

It’s good for America.